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How Not to Approach a Domme /11 Things Dommes Hate

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You’ve been thinking about it for ages.  You’re finally ready to make the plunge!  Here’s a list of things NOT to do when approaching a Domme, things We almost universally hate.  This one goes to 11

1. One Line Emails – Hi, Hey, What’s up? 

    

A Mistress’ time is very valuable.  This is never an acceptable way to introduce yourself.  It’s overly casual and conveys absolutely no information.  How much?  is in the same vein and is quite rude.  You’re not shopping, you’re endeavoring on what may be an exciting journey/experience.  While price may be a factor it shouldn’t be the only factor in seeing a particular Domina.

2. Arguing/Negotiating Rates

    

This is incredibly rude and disrespectful.  You wouldn’t go into a Doctor’s office and haggle, don’t do it to your prospective Dominatrix.  They are professionals and deserve to be treated with the same respect and professionalism.  Never ask for a discount and certainly not the 1st time you try to book.  Aside from being rude, it’s tacky.  You should be trying to make a good impression. Gifts, deposits, etc are much more welcome and show you’re serious.  If a Domme likes playing with you and wants to see you more than you can afford, She will be the one to suggest or offer alternatives regarding payment.   Never disclose what you paid another Domme; it’s in poor taste.  Discretion works both ways!

Dommes charge what They feel They are worth.  Telling someone They aren’t worth Their fee doesn’t inspire Them to play with you and shows a lack of respect.  Dommes spend thousands of dollars on equipment, wardrobe, travel expenses, training, and upkeep.  A Domme that charges less is likely in it to make a quick buck and doesn’t have the experience or knowledge.   These types should be avoided unless you are fine with non consensual marking and injuries.

3. Saying “I want to spoil You” 

    

Don’t say it, DO IT!  Saying you want to spoil a Domme is not an “in” to waste Her time exchanging a bunch of emails asking Her everything you ever wanted to know about BDSM.  Most Dommes have wishlist links on Their sites.  If She doesn’t have one, ask for it, then purchase something.  Purchasing the least expensive item doesn’t go unnoticed.  If you truly want to spoil and impress, be prepared to spend a decent amount of money (over $100) and get something special She truly wants or needs that will make you stand out from the rest.  Sending money is also appreciated.  Is She on tour?  Does She have a friend visiting? Send Her money so They can go out to dinner, to a spa, go shopping, etc.  Your happiness and fulfillment should come from their pleasure and knowing you made Them happy.

4. Sending 5 Page Emails w Some Fantasy or Story You’ve Written

Please excuse the grammar when I say Ain’t Nobody Got Time for That!   Unless you’re sending money or booking a session with a deposit along with your fine work of fiction, keep that gem to yourself or post it on one of the many websites that has a spot for stories.   This also includes sending ideas for clips.  Trust Me, We have plenty of Our own ideas.  No respectable Domme is sitting around hoping some man will take pity on Us and give Us some ideas!  It’s incredibly condescending to think otherwise.  If you want to see your idea brought to light, that’s called a custom video and those cost money.

5. “I want to be a video slave”

    

This screams CHEAPSKATE!!  Paid sessions will always come first.  Many Dommes charge a fee to film with them as it is an honor for you to be seen in the same frame, publicly and worldwide.  Think of how many people never get that chance.  Most require a paid session before filming with someone so they can determine if They like playing with you, what your tolerance is, etc.  FIlming with a Domme doesn’t mean you get a free session and you get to pick what is done to you.  You are not the director.  When you film you shoot what the Domme needs.  The scenes are much shorter than an actual session and there will be a lot of stopping and starting.  If you want a real scene with your specific interests, you need to book a session.  If a Domme has fun with you, She will be the one to ask you about filming.  Asking a Domme to pay you for filming or acting as if you are doing Her a favour is disrespectful and unacceptable.  Slaves who want to film are a dime a dozen.  You’re not special.



6. “I want to be Your slave”

    

This is another cheapskate alert!  Often times these people have convinced themselves that paying for a Domme’s time means it’s not real or authentic.  They think they are too good to pay.  When a sub brags to Me about how much pain he can take, I know it’s going to be all about him and not about Me at all, which isn’t serving Me in the least.  It’s getting Me to do a bunch of work for free.  Serving a Domme does not mean you get to call to chat, text, and email at your whim for free.  Dommes need to make a living.  Your adoration doesn’t pay the rent.  Serving is not sucking up a Domme’s time, it’ s being useful, making her life better or easier in some way.  There are many ways to serve.  A stockings slave will keep his Mistress in a steady supply of stockings and gets a worn pair periodically in return.  A web slave is extremely useful as he takes care of the promotion needed to keep his Mistress on top and in the public eye.  Some slaves pay for their Mistress’ advertising, or simply pay for dinners, massages, provide airport transport, and so on.  There are many ways one can be of service.  Be resourceful, have ideas, take initiative. No one likes a lazy slave who has to be micro-managed.  Having to tell you every single thing for you to do is  creating extra work for Her to do; it’s not serving the Mistress in any way.  Follow your Mistress on social media, see what Her schedule is like and think of ways to make Her life better, how to bring a smile to Her face.  It’s much simpler than one might think!

7. Don’t ask for sexual favors or romantic activities

  

Know your place.  You are not the boyfriend or romantic partner, you are the slave.  While you may have a rapport with your Mistress and be friendly, you are not friends.  It’s not ok to ask Her details about Her private life and certainly not about Her romantic life.  It”s not ok to offer things like giving Her a massage or scrubbing Her in the tub.  That’s creepy and gross.  Continuing to offer things like massages after the Mistress has turned it down on more than one occasion is a sign that you only have your own interests at play.  You want to touch Her in ways that are inappropriate for your relationship and trying to push it on Her or guilt Her into doing these things as if you are owed them somehow is cause for dismissal.  Sexual favours are not a part of real BDSM and are not owed to you.  If you feel entitled to these things you are not a true submissive and you need to check your ego.  Don’t get confused by these disgusting depictions on the internet that call themselves femdom.  Even some of the old guard sites are now producing this content that is NOT femdom.  It’s porn.  Those women are not Dommes.  Here’s how you can tell if a site is a real femdom site or not  : 

Is the Domme naked?  – Not a real femdom site

Is the sub getting a handjob?  – Not a real femdom site

Is the sub getting a blowjob? – DEFINITELY NOT a real femdom site 

Is the sub having sex with the Domme?  – not a real femdom site

I know it’s confusing.   If the Domme is on top, isn’t she still being Dominant?  NO. That’s still porn and nothing you should ever expect from your Domina.  There are people that provide sex and they are called hookers and escorts.  Many also offer some fetish services.  Be honest with yourself and if sex is what you really want, contact the right type of professional, save everyone’s time and your dignity.

8. “I want to suck cock for You & make You money”

  

Let’s be real.  You’re not sucking cock for your Mistress, you want to suck cock for yourself under the guise of it being some type of service to your Mistress.  No one is fooled by this line.  The market for you is slim to none.  Expecting a Domme to find you cocks to suck with the promise of making Her money is ridiculous, delusional, and disgusting.  If you want to suck dick, you need to pay for it.  No one is going to be paying you.  Suggesting that you could make money doing this is also the sign of an ego, which is an unbecoming quality in a slave.

9. “I bought you something now You owe me…”

    

If a gifter expects something in return other than a thank you, it’s not a gift, it’s a tool for manipulation.  Unless something else has been negotiated before the purchase of the gift, no one owes you anything.  This type of entitled behaviour is a huge turn off and a red flag.  It’s a sign of aggressive behaviour which can become dangerous.

10.  Not respecting Limits 

    

You ask a Domme for activity “X”.  She says She doesn’t do it.  You continue emailing Her to try to convince Her to try your fetish.  You try bribing Her, you send Her all kinds of pictures and articles and fantasies and ask can She make an exception for you.  You’re not special.  She doesn’t even know you and more importantly NO MEANS NO.  Your behaviour is an example of rape culture.  If not having this activity as a part of your session is a deal breaker for you, thank the Domme for Her time and move on.  There are plenty of Dommes out there, find one who is into your fetish and who will enjoy is vs harassing someone who isn’t.  You wouldn’t ask your dentist to fix your car…

11. Sending Unsolicited Photos

    

I know it’s hard for you to believe but We really aren’t sitting around hoping someone will send Us pics to brighten Our day.  It doesn’t matter what you look like or how handsome you think you are.  We don’t want pics of you.  We don’t want pics of you in drag, or sucking cock, or of your penis no matter how impressive or insignificant it may be.  We especially don’t want pics of you with your children, your spouse or romantic partner.  If We want photos for any reason, We will ask for them.  Sending unsolicited pics says a few things about you, none of which are positive :

1. You have an ego
    
2. You’re an attention whore
  
3. You’re a time wasting wanker




Don’t be that guy.  Not guy 1, 2, 3, or any of these guys.  A good rule of thumb is would you speak to your mother this way?   A lawyer?  A doctor?  The fact that you are exchanging money for what is a sexually charged service does not mean manners go out the window.  If anything if means you should be even better behaved, more polite, more generous.    Keep in mind Dommes have black lists which are posted online on various forums and many talk to each other directly.  It’s very easy to end up on a blacklist, so choose your words carefully.

Mistress Julie Simone
http://www.JulieSimone.com

http://www.clips4sale.com/studio/9861





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