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My Hook Suspension

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It is a sunny day in September, I have woken up in my friend’s mansion and the sunlight pours in. Today is a big day- today my friend will pierce my skin and insert meat hooks into my back and I will be suspended by them. I have waited for this day since I was 15.

I remember reading about it in a magazine in art class and being enamoured- now it was my turn. At first I’d wanted to go up outside and that had delayed it and then as I matured that I realised I also wanted to do this with friend’s putting me up- not simply a stranger who I’d waited in line to see.

For me, experiences like this are part of my journey- a rite of passage which I have constructed for myself. As with when I shaved my head when I left home to mark the start of a new age. After attempting to find a suitable location for some time serendipity suggested I ask my friend Blue who kindly welcomed the suggestion.

I had friends arriving from London and further afield to bear witness this rite and aid me through it. We cooked a large meal to share and began preparations. As for me this was a ritual, I shaved my head and did some yoga on the balcony, letting the beauty of nature embalm me. I wore throughout the day my ritual dress- a simple white shift I made myself which I shed for the piercings and suspension itself, to don the bridesmaid’s dress I wore when I was 8. I have this dress now in my room stained with blood from this day- a perfect record of my journey.

Angela arrives who will be piercing me and we pick the beautiful master bedroom to position ourselves in. For September the sun is still beautiful and the sky is clearing. I lay on a rug in front of the fire and by a beautiful large window. I’ve laid down a plastic sheet to ensure nothing in the house get’s an unwanted souvenir of the day. She and Claire prepare my skin and Angela plans the marks for where she will pierce. It is a blessing to have met them both- two women I greatly respect with serious connections to the earth and the universe as well as being deeply kinky.
Once the rest of my harem have arrived Angela, Claire, Jan and myself return to the Master bedroom for the beginning of this rite. I lay on the floor, my face against the plastic as Claire pinches my skin ready for Angela. Jan- my closest friend and documenter does what he does best with his lens. ‘Breath in’ Angela guides me with her beautiful, soothing spanish accent ‘…and out.’ And its as simple as that. Yes I felt pain, but as someone who works with pain a lot I understand how to experience it, endure it and use it. I find the initial piercing fine, In this space where I am in control of my pain I was able to master that confidently- having had hooks in me before.

Once the outside is ready for us- I and my ladies in waiting descend from the tower. We walk slowly down the grand staircase and out into the light. The others are waiting for us under at balustrade by the suspension point. The beauty of the scenery rushes at me and I am determined- steeling any possible nerves for this moment. My friend Mad helps Angela rig me to the winch, I am focused and ready. They’ve warned me that the initial lift can be quite hard and getting used to the sensation difficult- I have dealt with large amounts of pain before but never in a space where I can control it.

Angela walks me backwards and forwards, rocking to temper the pain and Mad lifts me on the winch. There is a divine moment as my feet miss the floor and I am up. I am concentrating hard and using my breathing as I go up and acclimatise to being airborne. I try to master the sensation and convert it into pleasure, ecstasy. There is magic as I rise but my brain and body feel overloaded and I struggle. After about 5 mins I go down to compose myself before I fly properly. I can remember savouring the sweetness of the date which my friend fed me as I hung- acclimating, feeling. Pushing myself, before I came down for my break I panicked as the adrenaline hit me- making me feel sick- dizzy.
The second accession was easier, the adrenaline sickness had passed and I its pain blocking properties had hit. I was more calm and back in a focused head space after a frantic moment of sickness. Feeling my feet leave the ground again was bliss, swinging into nature, into the sky. Rocking outwards to reach the arms and lips of my friends and lovers, laughing with them in the sunlight, the curious combination of the seriousness of the occasion with the familiarity of my friends and their warmth. I remember singing opera as my friends watched bathed in light, smiling together at the beauty and surreality of this rite. I felt triumphant, mystical, I felt curious. I swung from hooks in my back into the light of nature and the warmth of my friends.

When I decided it was time to return to the ground, we  parade to the master bathroom where the roll top bath in which I sit is reflected by many mirrors. I can easily watch the blood flow from my wounds as the hooks are removed from my body. It merges with the water and curls like fronds of magic reaching out into the tub. My friends gather round as I bathe and the air is squeezed from my wounds and they are patched. We eat grapes and fruit and I regain myself, I become human.

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