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Verbal Humiliation

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The word humiliation is thrown around an awful lot in BDSM. In truth, it’s something I struggled with in My early days. I had no problem with beating an ass until it bleeds, but the thought of saying degrading and demeaning things to someone seemed cruel to Me. It’s interesting that causing someone physical pain was ok with Me, but the idea of causing someone emotional pain was not. That’s likely a nod to My background working in mental health.

If you’ve watched FemDom porn, you’ve been privy to a leather or latex-clad Dominatrix, probably in some warehouse or other industrial setting, beating some happy slave senseless. She’s also, in all likelihood, screaming at the top of her lungs about what a worthless little maggot he is. Admit it, you’ve watched this, and it turned you on a little.
To understand humiliation, we first need to understand the word humiliate and its origins. According to humiliate means: “to cause (a person) a painful loss of pride, self-respect, or dignity; mortify.” This ties in well with My earlier thoughts on what humiliation was. I was very focused on the painful part. Interestingly, the word humiliate has its origins in the Latin word humiliatus, which essentially means ‘to humble’. Now we’re getting somewhere.

Many (and I mean a great many) subs and slaves have a very strong humiliation fetish. Are all of these boys and girls looking for a painful loss of pride, self-respect or dignity? No, a few are, of course, but most aren’t looking for emotional pain. What they are looking for is humility. Being humbled in the presence of their Domme is a powerful feeling. When I employ humiliation, I don’t do it to make someone truly feel like a worthless piece of shit (even if that is what I am calling them in the moment); it’s about creating an environment where My sub feels a humility that deepens their journey into subspace.

We all know that words have power. Great power. The adage ‘sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me’ is utter bullshit. Words can cut deep, and the wounds can take far longer to heal than any bruise or cut. Words also have the power to perform magic. With enough repetition, what we say ends up becoming the truth. If you were to look in the mirror every day and tell yourself “I’m useless”, it won’t take long for you to start believing that. Conversely, if you did the opposite and told yourself “I’m fantastic” the opposite will start to happen. The same principle holds true with people that we speak to. We can lift them up, or bring them crashing and burning to the ground.

Destroying a slave is never My goal. Altering a slave’s perceptions, however, often is. Verbal humiliation is one tool to assist in achieving that goal. It’s a precarious dance: using words to make a slave humbled, sinking deeper into subspace and convincing them that they are not worthy of Me. For example: if a guest was extremely overweight I would never blatantly humiliate them based on that. They are likely going through their own emotional hell already, and don’t need Me adding to it. On the other hand, if the same slave was specifically trying to lose that weight and wanted My assistance, I would draw attention to it in a way that was somewhat humiliating but I’d also be sure to offer positive reinforcement and maybe even a reward for good steps they have taken (changing their diet, exercise, etc.).

One of the issues of over-humiliation can be the post-orgasm factor. If you decide to deeply humiliate someone, they might find it hot as hell while they are with you. Eventually (likely after they release) things could (and often do) change. We all know that people (men especially) generally have a very different idea of what is fun and exciting pre and post orgasm. The last thing that you want is to feed someone’s pre-orgasm fantasies and create post-orgasm issues. Like I said before, it’s a precarious dance.

I do enjoy watching a slave shudder while being told how useless he is. It’s rewarding to watch a slave’s head bow even lower when he’s told that he’s not worthy of being in My presence. As a tool to humble your slave or sub, it can be a lot of fun for both of you. Like any tool, it requires practice and care. Once you learn to wield humiliation properly you will be able to do wonderful things with it!

© Lady Azelle

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